Philippine showbusiness is profoundly the most mysterious entity on God’s green earth. Its intrigues transcend any social status. Its controversies baffle all sexes. Its gossips border any age. It is a venue where untalented individuals can become stars. It is a rightful place where a celebrity can slough off an amazing assortment of scandals and continue being bankable. Weird as it is, the local entertainment industry exude life’s greatest ironies.
1. What’s Behind The Staying Power Of Daisy Siete?
This tv program is currently the longest running teledrama despite having no conceivable purpose but to impale its audience with a mental defect. It is so deplorably moronic that even a simple English dialogue of “Hi! How are you?” is subtitled into Tagalog. Daisy Siete reeks of oversimplification that it does not necessitate the use of a single neuron of your brain when watching. In spite of screwing up the evolution of mankind, sadly it is here to stay.
2. Is Sharon Cuneta A Balimbing?
Sharon Cuneta makes politicians look like mere amateurs when it comes to being a balimbing. Since last year, she has shockingly jumpshifted on endorsing one rival product for another —- from Selecta to Nestle, from Alaska to Nido and from Globe to Smart. Her switch from Mcdonald’s to Jollibee will soon be finalized only after the horizontally challenged star, aside from being the endorser, also accepts her role as the new Jollibee mascot.
3. Despite The STD History, Why Kris Aquino Endorses Gyne Pro?
An STD is unlike any other diseases. While most are curable, it leaves an everlasting stigma to the person who have had it whether she was at fault or not. “Eh magaling na naman sya eh,” explained my gay neighbor. But realistically, any scandal of sexual nature gives an unerasable thumprint on one’s character. Just ask Maricar Reyes. Having a self-confessed former chlamydia carrier in Kris Aquino pitching for a vaginal antiseptic is like having a reformed pedophile deliver a speech at a children’s rights convention. It just doesn’t work that way. The Gyne Pro people who hired Kris should perhaps have artificial brains invented for them.
4. Is IC Mendoza Already Gay Back When He Was A Child Star?
I always wonder if his kabaklaan were already coursing through his veins back when IC Mendoza, the pambansang baklita, was a childstar starring opposite Robin Padilla in Ang Utol Kong Hoodlum. On the shooting of the said action flick, Robin heroically saved the then 5 year old IC from an exposive that went berserk. As a result, the action star’s arm got toasted like badly cooked steak. Fast forward to the present, I can vividly envision Robin Padilla —- probably scratching his head as he scoff in his trademark kanto voice, “Bakla pala si Tol. Sana hinayaan ko na lang.”
5. Why Martin Nievera Can’t Speak Filipino?
After living here almost all his life, Martin Nievera is still incapable of speaking a sentence or two of Filipino. The singer, whose ADD remain undiagnosed, is probably paying now for this sin. For refusing to speak our native tongue, he is relegated into doing the same old repertoire he has been singing the past three decades.
6. Who Makes Kuya Germs And Bro Mike’s Suits?
I have this theory that tv host German Moreno and evangelist Mike Velarde share the same tailor. Both like wearing suits with eccentrically brilliant colors. Sartorially, they are so loud that you will never miss hitting Kuya Germs or Bro. Mike with an airsoft gun even if they were 100 meters away.
7. What Is The Real Age Of Charice Pempengco?
Speaking of fashion, the stylist for Charice Pempengco is pure genius for dressing up the 17 year old singer with children’s clothing. The most memorable I saw was the knee length chiffon gown that could be mistaken for a flower girl attire. Obviously, it is a marketing ploy to which many victims have fallen to. With that small frame of hers, donning a kiddie gown while showcasing her operatic prowess surely adds to the astonishment of an unitiated audience. “Ang taas naman ng boses for an 8 year old,” commented my cousin who never watches local tv. I rest my case.
8. Is Chiz Escudero A Robot?
Watching Senator Chiz Escudero being interviewed on tv always reminds me of the Linggo Ng Wika declamation contests during my childhood. His Balagtasan manner of speaking while expressing a dead pan aura makes me wonder if the senator is an actual human being or a robot sent from the future. I resent knowing if Chiz does talk the same while doing some sexy time with his wife.
Heard from a recent interview: “Ako ay naniniwala na ang pagdeklara ng kandidatura ay di pa nararapat sa panahong ang bansa ay nababalot sa sakuna.”
9. Is April Boy The Real Vocalist Of 6 Cycle Mind?
The uncanny voice resemblance is impeccable. We all thought we have long got rid of April Boy. But every 6 Cycle Mind song brings back haunting memories of the now US based jukebox idol and his high pitched piercing effeminate voice.
10. Why Do Lead Actors Get Leading Ladies Half Their Age?
Bong Revilla opposite Rhian Ramos. Vic Sotto opposite Cristine Reyes. Pinoy movies are telling us that it is ok to fornicate with someone who can pass as your daughter. Asked why the DOM culture is rampant among local films, I could only answer, “Eh kesa naman Caridad Sanchez tapos Mark Herras.”
*Albert Chu :)