Hello! :) Today, I wanted to write about something that’s in my heart lately. Something that I have learned from, something that inspires me to look forward for my future.
As all of you may have known, I’ve come out of my depressing shell very victorious. All thanks to Jesus who never gave up even when I was so unreasonable and irritable. I’m so thankful that I have Him in my life. I thought that there were others who could help God comfort me, but in the end I saw that it was just Him who can really and drastically comfort me the way that I need to be comforted. No one, and I mean it, no one can know you more than your Maker.
I knew that in those moments, I was lacking. I was lacking because I didn’t love God the way He deserves to be loved. I only loved Him a little. I sought Him a little. I cared for Him a little. I was in a sea of problems but I was so proud to let God handle it. I just really.. didn’t love God. What’s more perplexing with the situation is that I was not moved by the situation. I treated my starving spiritual life as a rash that I thought could get better by just letting it be. There was no alarm, I was just letting everything be. But, I still did the ‘christian’ obligatory things like reading my bible and uttering a few words to God.
Isn’t it—sorry for my words—pathetic? I am a woman who experienced God, who saw His glory, and lived the miracles that He has given me! Yet, where did I find myself in on those moments? Where was I? I think the answer lies within my heart. The world has calloused my system, and there is no hope that’s left in me. Rather than looking at the truth, I looked at the reality. The reality is, I have no money, I have a lot of insincere ‘friends’, someone broke my heart and it feels like I’m never going to recover from him, my dad does not care about me, and I have no future with my current standing in college. But the truth is, Jesus said, He is my provider and I will never be in lack, that He is an unchanging friend that loves me with an everlasting love, that He is also my Father that cares for me, and that I have a hope and a future that He specifically planned for me.
I don’t know how I was pulled back to see the truth. I sure did not try harder to pray, nor did I try to meditate more. But I did pray sincerely to God for one thing—that is for me to start loving Him again more than this world, more than any other man, more than my business, more than my family, more than my life, more than my anything. I prayed it sincerely, and God just placed an indescribable peace in my heart. Right that very moment, my heart was filled with so much hope. I began seeing more meaning in the things in life, and even on the things that I do.
So there. If you don’t love God now, then don’t lose hope. You only have to ask of Him, and He will faithfully answer.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. -Jeremiah 29:11-14
It’s so amazing, and wonderful. Remember how emo and reflective I am of my situations the past few days? Well, I’ve been pulled out of that black hole of seemingly endless place of darkness and despair. :) yey!
I don’t really know how and when it all started, but all I know is that I prayed to God about my situation, almost everyday before I sleep. I would cry endlessly and pray for the hurt to be gone. Everyday, after praying, I would weep myself back to sleep. It wasn’t an easy season for me, and I thought I would never overcome. But during this season I learned, that it is not by my strength that I can move on with life and have joy. Moving on can only be achieved when you acknowledge your weakness and inability to do it to God, and when you depend on the strength that He gives you to turn away from the things that are not from Him(i.e. doubts about future, shame from your mistakes, feeling of condemnation, etc.)
I also learned that moving on takes determination. You have to be determined to look at Jesus and not on what slimy pit has entrapped you. Whatever quicksand/slimy pit/black hole is out there pulling you, Jesus is faster and stronger than that and He can instantly pull you through it. I testify that it is true.
Especially when I realized that there is something missing in my ‘pag-amin’. I realized that I was praying to God about taking all my hurt and pain away, but then again, I still have not forgiven truly the people that caused me this troubles that I am experiencing. God.. revealed to me what’s keeping me from enjoying the life that He has purchased for me. I didn’t have to ‘try harder’ for me to realize that, but it was only because God chose to reveal it to me. God can make things happen, even the ones the I thought would not ever happen.
So now, I stand, joyful and relieved that God has pulled me out of that season already. Although the season to experience the slimy black hole is finished, I still have some bruises and wounds that I need to be healed with. But it’s nothing! haha, compared to the pain I had before, I’m definitely thankful that I only have these few ones remaining in my life. Rejoice! :D
So, I end with this word, that truly encompasses all the experiences that I had this past season. :) Thank you Lord, you are faithful. :)
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory. (NLT)
'and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.' (NIV)
I once lied about having many possesions to people when I was younger just to impress them. haha! around grade 5 ata ako nun. Kaka-plunge ko palang kasi sa poverty nun, at di ko pa tanggap na wala na kaming car, wala nang vacation trips, at wala nang job si papa. Pero gorabels, na redeem naman ang aming financial situation.
Ever since I took a break from blogging, I realized a crucial factor that made me want to blog more and more—attention. Haha, shame, but true. I realized I wanted to be sikat, but I don’t want to be the mainstream sikat, but the ‘underground sikat’.
So there was a pressure for me to do good in blogging, and to think it through and to be relevant. It was a pressure that was of bad intentions. Buti nalang talaga God knows our hearts, and protects it. He made me stop momentarily, to reflect, and to realize how.. pathetic the things I was searching and longing for. Gusto kong sumikat.. para san? Hindi sa kasikatan makikita ang meaning ng buhay at ang fulfillment ng life. I’ll never find it in tumblr, or in my studies, or to in my pseudo-lovelife.
I’ll never find fulfillment except in Jesus alone. Jesus alone. Jesus alone.
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. -John 10:10
Since it’s holy week, my family and I were just watching random tv. Somehow, before going to sleep, the channel changed to TV5, and a documentary about “The End” started playing. It was really interesting, so tinapos ko siya.
There I saw the prophecies that were laid out in Ezekiel, and how rapture and ‘The End’ would somehow look like. They described the last battle, or Armageddon, and how nations around Israel would declare war and attack on them. It was all about prophecies and how it’s slowly coming true to this day.
My initial reaction was.. fear. I was afraid of the unknown! I do not like war, and bloodshed. But then, I realized, why should I be afraid of the end? I am already saved by Jesus! Even if rapture comes tomorrow, I am sure to be with Him. So my fear turned to delight. But then I remembered all those who don’t know Jesus personally and haven’t accepted Him as their personal Lord and savior, so I felt compassion.
Wow, when did I last share the gospel to someone? Haha, as I remember it, sa FB pa nga lang yun! I shared it, but the person was lukewarm. It’s okay, I know there was a seed already planted on that person’s heart.
But wow, it made me realize how much I want the people to know more about Jesus!! So this summer, haha, I will pray about it, because I really want to reach out to more people and share about God’s amazingness in our lives. I want them to know Jesus, and how he has made a way for us to be holy and righteous!
I’m way too romantic for my age. Sometimes I wonder why I’m so romantic yet at the same time have so high expectations on love. Come to think of it, I’m a purist in love and life.
Purist, yet romantic. Sigh.
As you all don’t know, I’m single on purpose(or circumstance, it doesn’t matter). It stings to be single when you are surrounded by an environment that both promotes love and unfaithfulness. Watching movies moves me in an emotional twirl(mababaw luha ko). Especially when I witness true to life movies wherein the hero and heroine has to be separated for a very long time, yet in the end still find their paths to be intertwined with each other.
Honestly, I want that to happen in my life. Or so I secretly wish. I just want all the hurts and suffering I have been through for love to be justified. Like, it was for a reason for me to learn and to be strong and ready for my most awaited time with him. I want him to know that I have walked this life waiting for him, and that I have looked forward to that day that he will be with me. That my eagerness surpassed all loneliness and anxiety. I want to look at his eyes, feel the comfort of his warmth. Just to live life with him.
But right now, I’m too hurt and too bruised. I’ve had too much experience on love. I’ve been calloused, and sometimes I wish I didn’t have all those memories to go with me. I know too much and I’m too cautious. I don’t want to get hurt anymore! So I ask, will I still have a prince with me by the end?
Yet I am reminded, by the end, I DO HAVE A PRINCE WAITING FOR ME! And he loves me with an everlasting love. He has never left me for someone else, and he loved me even on times that I was unfaithful to him. At the end, he loves me, and I am his. Most importantly, it will be him who has justified me! He justified everything about me, and he did it for me because he loves me. Everything in my past will be healed, and nothing will matter except him. He is worthy of it all.
This is the only comfort I have, that at the end of the day, I am His. Yet more strikingly, He is also mine. There, I have completeness. And today I dare say, I am complete in Him.
Happy. Why? Kasi masaya ako at hindi ako pinapabayaan ni Lord na mapunta sa maling tao. :D Waiting parin, pero habang nagwawait, business muna at studies. haha.
Minsan naiinggit ako sa mga couples kasi ang sweet nila. Pero, well, narealize ko na in the future, talbog sila sa aming love story. Atsaka, baka by that time kami going strong sila hiwalay na. Hahahaha. K. :D I keep comforting myself, sorry po. :D
Lay Bare lang yan! :D Atsaka Dove whitening!! <3 Try mo, effective saakin. Dati super kadiri yung color ng kili kili ko, parang chocolate! :D Pero nalaman ko na harsh pala kasi yung rexona! Super sensitive kasi ng skin ko, so ayun, try ako ng dove, ganda ng effect! :D