Bananasarethebest

I’ve been handling a small group for atleast 2 years now. It’s been quite a journey especially since there were many bumps along the road. I’ve made so many mistakes, but thankfully God was able to redeem every mistake I’ve made.

But today I just wanted to talk about something I’ve most certainly encountered more than once in my walk as a counselor/victory group leader/discipler. It’s about being frustrated when the discipling process doesn’t go our way. 

Have you had times when the people you were discipling were doing stuff that were obviously against the teachings of the bible and/or is doing stuff that are lacking in wisdom? Cause honestly, I’ve handled a lot of cases like that. Inside of my heart, I wanted to instantly correct and rebuke them. I want to quote scriptures just so they would see that what they were doing wasn’t right. I wanted them to.. see how I saw things. 

I’ll be honest, I’ve rebuked the ladies in my small group for their actions in many occasions. I succumbed to the thought that I would be able to change their ideas and perception just by my mere speech and counsel. I reasoned to myself, what I’m doing is for their betterment. I just want them to grow more in their walk with God and on their relationship with others. I just want them to start being more responsible. If only they would listen to me! 

I kept repeating those sentences in my head whenever I am frustrated with the people I’m discipling. The more that i invest my time and love to them, the more that they go on paths that I did not imagine them to be in. It frustrates me so much!!! 

But reading The Lego Principle by Joey Bonifacio made me realize that all the frustrations that I had were a result of a wrong mindset that I have. I treated and acted on discipleship as a “duty” that I had to perform. It was frustrating because I expect that as I do all the necessary things that was expected of me as a leader, the people I am discipling would automatically do their parts as well. Discipling was work, work, work, sacrifice, sacrifice, and sacrifice for me. Yet even though there was dedication and love, the relationship I had with the women I discipling were lacking. I kept treating my small group as a task that I need to perform, instead of a relationship that I want to celebrate and treasure. 

What a beautiful truth set before my eyes~ Discipleship is first and foremost a relationship.. with God and then with man. I can disciple others because God lets me see that people are worth it, that they are a treasure, and valuable to Him.  

I don’t need to change the people I’m discipling. That’s not my job. My job is to keep my relationship with God and with them. My security comes from the fact that it will not be me who will grow them, but it will be God who will. 

I need to say this over and over again: I cannot change people. Only God can change people.

That’s why when I invite people to go to the services, but they reject the invitation, it’s okay. When I ask them to go to the small group, yet they don’t show up, it’s okay. When I tell them the Gospel but they shut it down, it’s okay. I don’t have to push my belief in them because I know that I did my part in sowing the seeds, and God will be the one to make it grow. 

I just need to wait on God, obey, and keep enjoying my relationship with God and others. :)

I leave you with this scripture:

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who ACTS on behalf of those who WAIT for him. -Isaiah 64:4

Aminan na!

I like being pursued. I enjoy the specific and exclusive attention given to me when someone pursues me. I feel.. special. Out of all the women that can be pursued, ako ang napili? Wow, there must be something I have that no other has! 

Pero based from my past experiences, the pursuit of a woman is a temporary phase for ALL men. Lahat ng lalakeng nanligaw sakin, ultimately ay sumuko rin at naghanap ng iba. Yung mga sinagot ko naman nuon, after kong sagutin ay naging kampante at tumigil sa panunuyo saakin. 

Ang masakit pa, minsan nalalaman ko na they just pursued me dahil lang sa physical qualities ko. Once nalaman nila ang aking character, naiirita na sila sa mga weaknesses ko!  All the more na nanghihina ang luob ko kasi feeling ko hindi ako worthy to be pursued kasi yung physical qualities ko naman pwede mag fade. Paano pag tumanda na ako? Paano pag pumangit at tumaba na ako? Hindi na ako pwede pursued? 

Pero yan ang same reason kung bakit SOBRANG thankful ako kay Jesus. Dahil alam kong kung ano man ang ganda ko ngayon, bukas pwedeng mawala, pero mahal niya parin ako. I think of the past 21 years of my life, and I realize that God was there for me ALL the time. In those 21 years, I became an agnostic, an atheist, a rebel to God, and I did a lot of things that the bible says as sin. But you know what? All through those years, God was with me. Even if I did not believe in Him, He was there to comfort me in the painful consequences of my rebellion. 

Now I realize, I’ve been pursued and loved by God ever since I was born. In fact, iniisip niya na ako kahit nung hindi pa ako pinanganak. Sabi nga sa Romans 5:8,

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Two thousand years ago, He died for me already. Alam niya na I will grow up a rebel. He knew I will disobey Him numerous times in my life. Alam na niya yun, pero namatay parin siya para saakin. Ang mas matindi pa, kahit alam niyang sasaktan ko siya, araw araw niya parin akong iniinvite na bumalik at makilala siya. 

My mind is going to explode, just trying to reason out why an Almighty God would constantly pursue and love me, even if I have rejected Him so many times! But now I am thankful, because He never gave up on me. Even if I am an empty soul, he deemed me deserving to be saved. When He set His eyes on me, He gave me my worth. 

His love for me is personal. His attention for me is on 24/7. He will never reject me. He pursues me everyday, not because of any good I’ve done but because of what He is. He pursues and loves me! I will never be empty. My cup will always be overflowing, because when God gives, laging SOBRA!!! 

If you want that kind of love and security, then call unto God. He is never busy for you. 

Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known. -Jeremiah 33:3

I’ve been talking to you all my life. Most of the time, I think I only talked to you because I had no other choice. Sometimes, I talk to you out of fear or desperation. I think I was that bitchy girl that turned to you whenever she ran out of bad choices to choose from. But even from that perspective, you were the only good choice I had ever gone to. 

Thinking back, whenever I did turn to you for help, you never failed to help me. Though my motives were selfish, you always proved yourself to be faithful to your people. I know I said I love you before, but I think it was all lip service. Now I see that I was a foolish, naive, and young girl who only wanted to be the center of attention. 

But look where we are right now, Lord! I talk to you, not just because I am in a desperate position, but because I want to talk to you about life and everything else in it. We’ve come so far, my love. This year’s Christmas would be our 3rd Christmas together. I feel like it was just yesterday when I was wasting away my life on temporary things here on earth. But now, I have you. The only eternal and lasting component in my life. 

I know we’ve come a long way, more than I thought I’d ever be in this life. But I am hoping for so much more. A more wonderful relationship with you everyday would be something I’d always want and need. To have a genuine and deeper relationship with you is all I could ever ask this Christmas. Everything else is relative.

Thank you, my love, for loving me and your people. Thank you for coming down here on earth as a humble babe, so that you could fulfill the greatest sacrifice that man would ever know. I will celebrate this season with joy knowing that I am celebrating a great love story that happened 2000 years ago–one that is between me and you. 

I love you.  

Jesus said, “If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also.”

I’ve figuratively given my left and my right, and I have endured all insults, negativity, bitchiness, rudeness, and I have taken it all in, uncomplaining and silent. All the while, I gave chance upon chance on people to see that even if what they are doing are hurtful, I am able to endure because I have Someone greater than I who he heals me after. 

Even when I speak so calmly and peacefully, they attack with viciousness in the dark.  But lately, they have taken into light their actions, doing the things they once only did on the dark noticeable and clear… to me. 

They laugh on the way I conduct myself. I do not personally know what aspect, but they laugh with heartiness on the aspects that I am lacking. Oh boy, and they don’t even mind that I am only inches away from them, aware and capable of hearing what they are talking about. I applaud your courage! 

And then there are the rumors. Rumors that may or may not be based on true facts. Rumors that are based only on one side of the story. Rumors that may be only based on what they see, and not what they truly know. Rumors that they heartily feast on without regard for the person’s honor and dignity. Even without hearing the whole story, judgment is laid on my shoulders. Believing only their own feelings and predicament, they have harbored anger and dissent upon me. 

Now tell me, is this not true? Could they honestly say they have not done so?

I know my own lacking and weaknesses, but there are some which I do not know of but only they can see. Instead of addressing the situation towards me privately, they have sought to tell it to everyone else.. but me. I am a professional woman, and I am able to take criticism for my work if it is lacking or incomplete. That’s constructive criticism. 

But since they have been already offended by my initial lacking, and without them addressing the offense properly, all the other things that they think I did wrongly or badly piled up and made them even angrier and more furious. Whatever was a simple mistake or misunderstanding that could be easily solved by civil talk, has now become this.

And could I just blurt it out? It’s so beneath me! 

But though it is beneath me, it has troubled me for the past weeks. Do you know why? Because I genuinely cared for them, and did my part in reaching out to them whether I am wrong or not. Yet, this happened. I have lost appetite, lost interest in studying, couldn’t focus on working, and too weak to even  function like a normal human being. If this was their original intent on treating me so badly, then congratulations! I, for a moment of time, lost interest in living life. 

However, I have realized lately that there is a thin line on being nice and being a pushover. I certainly am not a pushover. So I summoned and awakened my feisty persona, to help me in this situation.

So people should be forewarned: I am fighting back. Fortunately for me, I have nothing else to lose in this because they have already crushed and thrown away every bit of dignity I have. 

But what’s more amazing and reassuring for me is this: though I will stand up for myself, I will give to God the amazing responsibility of avenging me. So if they are not afraid of me, then it’s okay. I know God has His unique ways of avenging me.

Lastly, I know the victory is with me. I know at the end of the day, I am the winner in this bout. Because I have forgiven, and I can leave with peace. The burden of living everyday feeling that I have to prove something or that I have to be likeable to everyone is gone. When they face me, I can smile and not have my heart be troubled inside. 

I win.

The littlest things in life can really trigger the most passionate desires of our soul. 

I just had an exam(again) a while ago on my subject FS 128 (post-harvest and food processing). The bonus question was quite intriguing. It asked us of the specific educative goal that we think are actively promoted in class.

Just a brief history(so that you’d understand better the context of this post) first. I study in UP Diliman, under the program of Food Technology, which is in the College of Home Economics. In our college we have educative goals, 7 of them, which are supposedly our core values and guiding principles in which our learnings are founded upon. This educative goals are:

1. Love of God
2. Love of Country
3. Belief of the Integral Role of the Family
4. Ethical Behavior
5. Management Mindedness
6. Pursuit of Excellence
7. Social Responsibility

(source) Please do check on the source and read more about it! 

Moving on, FS 128 dwells on practical applications and implications of technology on food products and commodities. An example would be on the post-harvest loss experienced by our local farmers. Would you believe that tons of produce are lost because of mishandling and poor technology? Let me show you some data for the Phillippine scenario:

Post-harvest loss:

• Vegetables: 42%
• Fruits: 28%
• Grains: 15%
• Bananas: 25-35%
• Mango: 25-40%

What does it mean? It means that for every 1000kg of harvest, for example in mangoes, 400kg could be lost because of mishandling, poor technology, diseases, and pests! Can you imagine how much loss that means for our farmers? In a year where they toil endlessly, their once in a year harvest is diminished by almost 40% (for mangoes)!

Why so much loss? Let me explain further using mangoes as an example(hehe mango is my favorite fruit nowadays). There are many stages on which losses could be attributed to. One very common scenario would be on the transport of goods from the farm to the markets. Do you notice how produce like mangoes are transported? They are usually placed in (paper) lined baskets that are stacked on top of another. Here’s a picture:

What could be the problem here? Well, mangoes are easily bruised! When they are bruised, they are more susceptible to microbial deterioration! They also transfer pest infestations and diseases easily. So if you stack them one on top of another and transport them, for example from Guimaras to Divisoria, it would have to suffer so much! So imagine the situation of the farmers: They harvested 500kg of mangoes but when it’s about to be sold, about forty percent of the produce are rejected by the consumers since it’s moldy, deformed, bruised, or infested! Ouch!

It pains me so much that our Filipino brothers and sisters toil so much under the heat of our humid environment, only to be greeted by such woes. They work while they are hungry, in the middle of the unbearable heat!They eat less than what they harvest because they’d rather sell it to gain a few pesos for other needs that they have to attend to. But rather than helping them, the common scenario is that the powerful exploit them further and bring them down to worse poverty (teary eyed). If only those who are knowledgeable would train the farmers how to practically employ academically sound principles for their betterment, then what a beautiful scenario it would be! 

But who would risk studying 5(or more) years of intense chemistry and laboratory work, so that they can go to the farms in remote places, live there, teach the farmers, and earn so little compared to big food-industry salaries? Who would be brave enough to choose the road less traveled and less talked about? 

Well, I believe this is a possible answer:

“Dedication to serve the Filipino people, with preference for promoting the welfare of disadvantaged groups and the interests of the greater majority of the population. It begins with a recognition of a community beyond one’s self, kin and profession. It is expressed in advocacy and manifested by participating competently in the present society while working to improve it.” -Social Responsibility, as defined in the Educative Goals of the College of Home Economics

Our college aims to produce students who are socially responsible, who think beyond the self, and is selflessly devoted in the service of the Filipino people. I have to admit, I never really cared about the Philippines so much before. I would sing our national anthem, of our freedom, wear nationalistic colors and clothes, but I never had that passion to digest its meaning or study it further. But I thank God that my college helped me realize the importance of acknowledging one’s self as a part of the society, connected and not independent, bearing in mind that with great knowledge comes great responsibility. I honestly find myself tearing up just thinking about our fellow brothers and sisters who are in dire need of help. I find myself having this fire and passion to serve and help them with the knowledge I have.

So, in response to the bonus question I had to answer a while ago, it took me one full page just to answer it (haha it was longer than some of my essay answers). But atleast I was honest, and I expressed myself in a matter that best reflects my current sentiments.

I shared this all because I want to inform and educate everyone how important it is to be socially responsible, to think beyond one’s self, to START helping our fellow filipinos, and (on the slightly lighter side) to value the food that comes to your table. Please always finish your plate! I know the popular saying would be, “Maraming nagugutom sa (insert impoverished place here)!” and they would say, “Eh bakit, wala naman tayo dun ah!” Yes, true. You may not be experiencing a shortage of food, but what you just wasted could have been distributed somewhere else where it could have been more appreciated. Always think that your demand for food is always in competition with someone else. 

I hope I left you with something to ponder about. Goodnight! :) 

I opened, by chance, my folder containing one note entries dated a year ago. I was surprised when I read it. But more than being surprised, I was more blessed. I couldn’t remember the emotions evoked to me at that moment, and I guess the same emotions could not be reproduced anymore. That’s why I was really glad when I saw this! It’s dated October 5, 2011.You should read it first before I move on:

Word for today:

Luke 24:31, 45

Kakamatay lang ni Jesus dito at third day na. He was with them in the road to Emmaus, but they didn’t recognize Him because they were eaten up by their problems . They focused so much in their problems na kahit anjan na si Lord sa harapan nila, they can’t enjoy his presence! How sad! Minsan ganyan ako. Lord, I am sorry and I repent of this. But in luke 31, it said “Then their eyes were opened and they recognized Him..”

It is not because I study scripture or because I’m full of wisdom kaya ako nakaka-alam kay Lord. It is He who opens eyes. He was the one who revealed himself to me and to the apostles that’s why we are able to recognize Him.  Sa verse 45, sabi dun “Then he opened their minds so they could understand the scriptures” GRABEEEE. Si Lord talaga ang dahilan kung bakit may alam ako sa scriptures! Lord, I pray that your word may be revealed to me and that it may be planted deep into my heart. I pray, Lord, give me my daily bread of you. I thank you because you continually give me these things because of your love. Thank you!  Thank you for your love that enables me to walk in this life free and hopeful, complete and not lacking in anything. Thank you Lord, for the wisdom that you are giving me. I do not doubt it Lord, your grace supplies me with unlimited wisdom. <3 Thank you Lord! :) 

Wow. I could feel the joy and enthusiasm that I once felt when I read that scripture! I feel nga na super relevant niya saakin, kasi as of the moment, I have a lot of things to do. When you’re busy and focused on your work, you can’t let your emotions get a hold of you. Kaya nga problema ko yan, busy na nga ako, emotional pa! Kalurks!

Kaya imagine, how cluttered my mind and my heart is! Oh, how more cluttered are the pieces inside of me yearning for love, sustenance, consistency, and peace! But how should I manage to go back to God if I have an urgent paper that would spell a lot of trouble if not finished? If every moment, another paper and exam pops, how am I supposed to go about finding peace?

But then, it hit me. A painful rock staggered through my brain and exposed those intentions that I myself do not know about. 

I’ve put my academics before God. Instead of seeing too much academic load as the distraction that hinders me from enjoying my relationship with God, I saw it the other way around. It is painful to admit, but in my innermost being I have categorized Him as the distraction from my academics. 

This, my friends, is idolatry at its best. Idols in this present time don’t come in the form of wooden dolls and clay statues anymore. It’s in the form of things that we consider as greater than the One true God. 

How pathetic of me! I know ‘pathetic’ is too strong of a word to be used, but how could I not describe myself as such before I realized all these? Could my academics save me from the eternal fires of hell? Would it be able to give me true and lasting peace, joy, and love? Will it ever die for me, because it wants me to be reconciled to itself?

No, no, and no!

There is no other god that would die for me just so that I can be reconciled to itself. How I wish my grades are reconciled with me! But grades are just grades. At the end of the day, it’s just an imperfect evaluation of one’s knowledge and hard-work.

But when everything has been said and done, when everything crumbles and returns to dust, Jesus remains. His love for you and me remains. 

This truth returns me in perspective. Everything is arbitrary with respect to Him. And I am so thankful that even though my eyes were once fixed on things that are temporary, He, in His great patience and mercy, focused my eyes on that of which is eternal. 

And so, today, I repent of this things and consciously choose Him before all things. 

“For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him.” -Colossians 1:17 The MSG

Ever since I took a break from blogging, I realized a crucial factor that made me want to blog more and more—attention. Haha, shame, but true. I realized I wanted to be sikat, but I don’t want to be the mainstream sikat, but the ‘underground sikat’. 

So there was a pressure for me to do good in blogging, and to think it through and to be relevant. It was a pressure that was of bad intentions. Buti nalang talaga God knows our hearts, and protects it. He made me stop momentarily, to reflect, and to realize how.. pathetic the things I was searching and longing for. Gusto kong sumikat.. para san? Hindi sa kasikatan makikita ang meaning ng buhay at ang fulfillment ng life. I’ll never find it in tumblr, or in my studies, or to in my pseudo-lovelife.

I’ll never find fulfillment except in Jesus alone. Jesus alone. Jesus alone. 

 I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. -John 10:10

While reading this post, you might as well listen to this song I’m listening to.

I’m way too romantic for my age. Sometimes I wonder why I’m so romantic yet at the same time have so high expectations on love. Come to think of it, I’m a purist in love and life. 

Purist, yet romantic. Sigh. 

As you all don’t know, I’m single on purpose(or circumstance, it doesn’t matter). It stings to be single when you are surrounded by an environment that both promotes love and unfaithfulness. Watching movies moves me in an emotional twirl(mababaw luha ko). Especially when I witness true to life movies wherein the hero and heroine has to be separated for a very long time, yet in the end still find their paths to be intertwined with each other. 

Honestly, I want that to happen in my life. Or so I secretly wish. I just want all the hurts and suffering I have been through for love to be justified. Like, it was for a reason for me to learn and to be strong and ready for my most awaited time with him. I want him to know that I have walked this life waiting for him, and that I have looked forward to that day that he will be with me. That my eagerness surpassed all loneliness and anxiety. I want to look at his eyes, feel the comfort of his warmth. Just to live life with him.

But right now, I’m too hurt and too bruised. I’ve had too much experience on love. I’ve been calloused, and sometimes I wish I didn’t have all those memories to go with me. I know too much and I’m too cautious. I don’t want to get hurt anymore! So I ask, will I still have a prince with me by the end?

Yet I am reminded, by the end, I DO HAVE A PRINCE WAITING FOR ME! And he loves me with an everlasting love. He has never left me for someone else, and he loved me even on times that I was unfaithful to him. At the end, he loves me, and I am his. Most importantly, it will be him who has justified me! He justified everything about me, and he did it for me because he loves me. Everything in my past will be healed, and nothing will matter except him. He is worthy of it all.

This is the only comfort I have, that at the end of the day, I am His. Yet more strikingly, He is also mine. There, I have completeness. And today I dare say, I am complete in Him.

I write this, firstly for myself, and secondly for the people who needs this. First, if you really want to move on, commit yourself to it and don’t second guess yourself. Anyways, here goes.

1. Don’t listen to SAD SAPPY MUSIC.  Especially to the ones that remind you of that person! Stop listening to Adele! This is one of the easily overlooked things that heartbroken people miss. You know why this is important? Because..
2. Don’t do things that will remind you of that person.  When you are reminded by the person, you open up that big scar that you have in your heart and mind. Don’t self induce the pain to yourself. You don’t have to pretend that you are not hurt, but remind yourself of the things that can overcome your ordeal. Always remind yourself of what you have, not of what you have lost. One writer said, “Ungratefulness and uncontentment stems out of our lack of thankfulness of what we have.”
3. Remind yourself that this ordeal is but a breeze in our life.  Nothing lasts forever, and so will this hurt. It hurts now, but I assure you that it won’t hurt as much a year after. You have a future waiting for you to be taken hold of! It is shining and bright, and it requires your full attention. :)
4. Go to God. You have to remember that we can only be fully restored when we come to Him. There will be things that you regret, forgiveness that you seek, and regrets that you want to undo. But in Christ, we completely forgiven and blessed. I don’t say this things on a matter of fact way, but rather I say this as a testimony itself. You might have lost a person or boy/girlfriend, but remember that you did not lose your unwavering Lover . He has loved you, and He still does. You may have been abandoned by someone you thought loves you with all the earth, but God is here with you and he loves you unwaveringly with an everlasting love. 
5. Talk to people who can help you.  You need people who will point you to the right path, who will listen to you, and comfort you! People who will tell you the right things, not just the things that will make you feel better. Find them, and be honest with them. If you can’t find them/don’t have any, ask God about it. If none comes, then God is your friend. :) He is our ultimate friend. :)

Heartbreaks are there so that we can learn, so rejoice! You have just earned for yourself more wisdom in dealing with relationships. You did not come out of the relationship empty handed, but you came out of it more than when you started. 

Rejoice! Stop and smell the flowers, the world is beautiful.. and so are you. :)