Bananasarethebest

Jesus said, “If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also.”

I’ve figuratively given my left and my right, and I have endured all insults, negativity, bitchiness, rudeness, and I have taken it all in, uncomplaining and silent. All the while, I gave chance upon chance on people to see that even if what they are doing are hurtful, I am able to endure because I have Someone greater than I who he heals me after. 

Even when I speak so calmly and peacefully, they attack with viciousness in the dark.  But lately, they have taken into light their actions, doing the things they once only did on the dark noticeable and clear… to me. 

They laugh on the way I conduct myself. I do not personally know what aspect, but they laugh with heartiness on the aspects that I am lacking. Oh boy, and they don’t even mind that I am only inches away from them, aware and capable of hearing what they are talking about. I applaud your courage! 

And then there are the rumors. Rumors that may or may not be based on true facts. Rumors that are based only on one side of the story. Rumors that may be only based on what they see, and not what they truly know. Rumors that they heartily feast on without regard for the person’s honor and dignity. Even without hearing the whole story, judgment is laid on my shoulders. Believing only their own feelings and predicament, they have harbored anger and dissent upon me. 

Now tell me, is this not true? Could they honestly say they have not done so?

I know my own lacking and weaknesses, but there are some which I do not know of but only they can see. Instead of addressing the situation towards me privately, they have sought to tell it to everyone else.. but me. I am a professional woman, and I am able to take criticism for my work if it is lacking or incomplete. That’s constructive criticism. 

But since they have been already offended by my initial lacking, and without them addressing the offense properly, all the other things that they think I did wrongly or badly piled up and made them even angrier and more furious. Whatever was a simple mistake or misunderstanding that could be easily solved by civil talk, has now become this.

And could I just blurt it out? It’s so beneath me! 

But though it is beneath me, it has troubled me for the past weeks. Do you know why? Because I genuinely cared for them, and did my part in reaching out to them whether I am wrong or not. Yet, this happened. I have lost appetite, lost interest in studying, couldn’t focus on working, and too weak to even  function like a normal human being. If this was their original intent on treating me so badly, then congratulations! I, for a moment of time, lost interest in living life. 

However, I have realized lately that there is a thin line on being nice and being a pushover. I certainly am not a pushover. So I summoned and awakened my feisty persona, to help me in this situation.

So people should be forewarned: I am fighting back. Fortunately for me, I have nothing else to lose in this because they have already crushed and thrown away every bit of dignity I have. 

But what’s more amazing and reassuring for me is this: though I will stand up for myself, I will give to God the amazing responsibility of avenging me. So if they are not afraid of me, then it’s okay. I know God has His unique ways of avenging me.

Lastly, I know the victory is with me. I know at the end of the day, I am the winner in this bout. Because I have forgiven, and I can leave with peace. The burden of living everyday feeling that I have to prove something or that I have to be likeable to everyone is gone. When they face me, I can smile and not have my heart be troubled inside. 

I win.

Lord, I pray for a faith that could move mountains. I pray that I may trust you with all that I am. I can’t go on living with this faith that trusts you on some days, but doubts every time I feel that something is wrong. Please take hold of everything that I am. Secure me on your love, and move me into the life that you have intended for me to live.

I acknowledge your sovereignty in my life, You are above all my storms.